Ooooo, deary me

My little brother’s in his bedroom drinking mead

I tell him he should come out ‘cause he’s sailing out at three

He won’t because he thinks our father slighted him for me.

He went to Winterfell before he started puberty

now those self-righteous assholes seem to have his loyalty;

don’t understand how one of Balon’s sons could bend the knee,

my baby brother Theon how I wish that you could see.

[Chorus]

Oooooo I only say it cos I care,

So please can you stop pulling my hair.

Now, now there’s no need to swear,

Please don’t despair my dear Mon frere.

Oooo, Theon get up, it’s a brand new day

I just can’t sit back and watch you waste your life away

You need to sail to Stony Shore and learn to reave and raid

Get off your pompous ass

Theon please use your brain.

Surely there’s some ships and houses you can rob and burn

If you want to lead you’ve got to suck it up and learn

Now how the hell do you ever expect that you’ll get laid

If the golden price is all that you have ever paid?

[Chorus]

Oooooo I only say it cos I care,

So please can you stop pulling my hair.

Now, now there’s no need to swear,

Please don’t despair my dear Mon frere.

Oh little brother please refrain from doing that,

I’m trying to help you out so can you stop being a twat.

It’s time we had a little chat so Theon, please sit down,

And look me in the eyes take off that stupid homemade crown.

[Chorus]

Oooooo I only say it cos I care,

So please can you stop pulling my hair.

Now, now there’s no need to swear,

Please don’t despair my dear Mon frere.

When you think about it, the Ironborn are not so much Space Vikings as they are Space Juggalos.

catsandscience:

She was definitely NOT WHITE in the books.  Fuck these shenanigans. 

IDK, I was kind of happy we got to skip Alayaya’s “our identity as this universe’s black people hinges upon how happy and honored we are to come up here and be brutalized by our white male overlords” speech.  It was a little awkward.

So here is the situation as I understand it:  Sansa has to marry Joffrey, who in addition to being a giant abusive terrifying douchecake also probably covers himself in Axe every half an hour and is (in addition to the above) constantly mad because he really took the commercials literally and expects to be COVERED IN WOMEN.  

Now, Joffrey keeps this badass bodyguard around, who in the books is supposed to be this hulking, hideous mass of drunken surly trauma who probably got syphilis from the 3 brothels in town that will let him through the doorway.

In the series, he’s played by Rory McCann who in case you haven’t noticed is a total sex bomb in a Gothic Novel kind of way.  This works, because Sansa’s storyline is basically a gothic novel (Scary Castle-check.  Missing Mother, check. Scary Not-Father Figure-check).  This also doesn’t work, because now nobody is believing that Sansa isn’t changing her panties every time the Hound calls her “Little Bird” or says something about how incredibly badass he is.  I mean, when he’s not onscreen, HBO! Sandor Clegane is constantly having to fight the Old Spice guy because Sandor Clegane Literally Smells Like Power.  

And he’s obsessed with Sansa.  And there are people online who think they should just fuck already.  And there are people online who think they should just fuck and fall in love and (oh just google image “Beautiful Snape” and imagine different hair).  And there are people online screaming “OMG SICK EWWWW GROSS PEDOPHILE BLAH BLAH BLAH” like they wouldn’t have jumped on that motherfucker when they were thirteen.  

But the real problem with SanSan isn’t that he’s like 40 or something and she’s like 11 or 12 or 13 or whatever.  It’s that, in addition to being way too old for her, he’s way too bangin’ for her.  Like, the Hound wears heavy armor all the time because he will literally be covered in naked ladies if he takes it off and it is hard to maul people when you are covered in naked ladies.  Poor sweet hormonal Sansa is just going to melt into a pile of moistened dipshit and start acting like my friend Amber in high school, and she will be all texting him constantly and inviting margaery and her cousins to hang out and smoke weed in his quarters and drink his booze when they’re supposed to be in the sept, and one of the cousins is going to be late for embroidery practice or whatever and totally stoned, and her septa is going to be all “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN” and Varys doesn’t even have to tell anyone where everyone has been

and Joffrey gets maaaaaaad

and he says he is going to kill Sansa and tries to pirate like an entire season of Law and Order SVU to figure out the most awesome method, but finds that Tyrion took limewire off all the computers in the Red Keep and blocked access to the site just like he did 4chan and rotten.com and memebase, and so he has to go to Hulu, and in order to watch anything he has to watch an Axe commercial

and as he’s doing this over and over again alone in his room, he dies a little inside.

Wait, actually, this makes SanSan look like a fairly good idea.  Carry on.  

Your vacuum is not broken.  It spews its latest meal onto your carpet when you turn it off because it has pet hair, carpet fibers, and assorted fluffy whatnots jammed up in the short tube that connects its mouth to its dirt storage area.  

The solution is to somehow get this tube straightened out (with some models, this requires a screwdriver) and cleared (with some models, this requires a coat hanger or a broom handle).  Do this regularly, and it will be easier and your vacuum will last longer.  

Regards,

The Pheasant Knight

The Starks beware

The Lannisters beware

He’s coming

He’s coming 

He’s coming

That noise, during the riot scene—that was the Hound clearing a crowd by flat-out MROWR-ing at them.  

And I thought that only worked with perambulating soul-savers on college campuses. 

YOU LOOK LIKE A STARK!